Noam Chomsky Stops a Nuclear War

Part 1: C. wins the Election

C. did not run his own presidential campaign. He was confused when he was elected. The electoral college, C. would later tell the press, was supposed to protect the institutions from such an odd, write-in candidate. He did did not understand how, when three-hundred-million people were in the country, and there were two "legitimate" candidates--"legitimate" was C.'s word--sixty percent of those of voting-age wrote his name into the ballot.

C. was an unconventional candidate. He was an unconventional president elect. He had tried to turn down the offer of presidency, but a group of extremists from his own side, one-hundred-fifty-six people, all of whom were in their mid-twenties, held C. hostage by threatening to immolate themselves alive if C. did not take control of the office for which he was elected.

Having somewhat botched his speech with his confused reception of the distinguished honor of the presidency of the United States, C. sighed and nodded. He added an addendum to his speech. He gestured to the audience, and he gestured to the cameras and reporters.

"In political discourse," C. added to the end of his speech. "Every term has two meanings. You gotta start by recognizing that. So democracy has an official meaning, which is something like, you know the ability of the public to take part in running their own affairs or something, but it also has a technical meaning. The one that's actually used. Something is democracy if it's run by the business classes..." He spoke for a little longer about democracy to a speechless crowd. After discussing democracy, C. said, "Same is true of the term 'peace process.' It has a dictionary meaning. And the dictionary meaning of peace process is some kind of process that's trying to influence peace. But it also has a technical meaning. And the technical meaning is whatever the United States happens to be advocating at a particular moment. Uhh. Whatever diplomatic initiative the United states is advocating, that's the peace process. Notice, it follows that it's a logical impossibility for the United States to be opposed to the peace process."